The First of a Series:

Carol Most & Rona Wexler
April 22, 2008

Making one's way through the emotional, logistical, financial and practical obstacles in divorce is a challenging time for matrimonial clients. One of the most empowering and intimidating of these challenges is beginning new employment especially after absence from the job market. Whether it's an employment gap of18 months or 18 years, it is scary, sometimes paralyzing to return to the workplace. And to make it even more stressful, the spouse usually needs to find employment and income very quickly.

Often greatest most difficulty is felt by women who have put careers on hold while caring for children or parents or both. These women are not alone. According to the latest data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, nearly 40% of all women in the workforce are mothers with children under 18 years of age. The Center for Work Life Policy says that 60% of working women will step back in their careers or leave the workforce completely. The majority will want to reenter, often doing so in lesser positions or at lower earnings.

This is the first in a series on the challenges, opportunities and resources for those in post-divorce career/employment transition. On the upside, planning for and finding new employment helps a client to move forward, to look beyond litigation and envision, even embrace a new, rewarding life after divorce with new confidence. The rewards require a courageous commitment to self-assessment, discipline, perseverance and asking for support. Your client uses expert advice and support from many sources during divorce; so must she use all available resources to find new employment.

One of the most difficult issues for reentry into the workforce is Loss of Self-Confidence. It only takes a few years absence from the workforce to undermine a client's confidence. Often, she feels "rusty", has lost touch with technology and issues in her industry and her professional network is full of outdated contacts. This loss of self-confidence can lead to "analysis paralysis" or procrastination and inertia. Her resources can lay the groundwork. People in support groups, friends, family, colleagues and neighbors met while volunteering in the community can help her identify her assets -- see what she's done (she'll be surprised and pleased to hear what they say!).

When faced with a long postponed job search, the client confesses "I Don't Even Know Where to Begin". The first step is to step back. Everybody in transition needs to stop, clarify their values, to learn what's important to them in their life moving forward. The emotional turmoil and erosion of self esteem incurred in divorce contribute to her feeling helpless and overwhelmed by the employment process and another major change in her life. So, a client must start by understanding her values and needs. This must include ways to heal, how to maintain her health and to make room for nourishment and joy in her life. Then she can evaluate employment and how it works with what is essential to her life and growth. Sometimes, this means temporarily taking jobs that not ideal, but meet her financial needs.

The therapist, career/life transition coach, non-profit agencies, and hundreds of books and articles are key resources in this process. Private sector, community and four year colleges offer programs ranging from a two hour intro class to an 8 week workshop on career decision making. The Internet or a college alumni association offer local listings, too. These programs can point participants to new resources such as support groups, networking resources (in person and on-line), professional organizations, government agencies, training programs, sources of advice for prospective entrepreneurs, etc.

What Work Do I Look For?

Is your client planning to re-start a career, launch a new one, or find a less exciting job that allows her to pursue other passions and interests? She might begin by creating an ideal job spec (e.g. restricted hours, light commute, interesting work, minimum compensation, strong career path, professional on-the-job training, or jobs in a growth industry). Remember this is a starting point - there is no perfect job (as there are no spouses!). She or he must know what can be flexible, what is non-negotiable and why. She will need to think out-of-the-box - picturing a different life with new freedom and new responsibilities. She will need to think ahead - how can these requirements change in the future? This may require advice from a therapist or career coach.

Obtaining professional advice from a therapist, career coach, accountant and financial planner is a good way to kick-start this process. When faced with such decisions, we often return to what's familiar. For example, we look for similar jobs that we had at age 25. But, it's a different world and we're not the same people at age 45! We have new life experiences, learning, skills, attitudes, responsibilities and energy.

Taking the First Steps to Reentry:

The reentry process may feel overwhelming at first. This journey begins preparation. Your client should create a map to chart her course with milestones and time-frames. And it begins with the first step, and then the next and so on. Creating her plan, her "map" should include the following components:

• Understand the expenses you incur when returning to work - yup, it costs money to earn money! Start this "budget" early in the divorce process so these expenses can be built into a settlement.
• Begin to build and nurture a network (research shows that between 40% to 70% of employment is obtained through the hidden job market found through a network of personal and professional contacts). Knowing how to effectively use this network is critical and there are many resources to guide this process!
• Prepare resumes. Yes, plural. Prepare different ones for different types of jobs and industries. Resumes are never static. They should be in a constant state of change based on experience and feedback gained in the job search.
• Expand and update skills and knowledge (e.g. to strengthen computer skills including Microsoft Office applications, seminars in industry issues and knowledge, research on new careers, preparing for a career, certification courses, etc).
• Explore benefits of advanced education. Professional women with advanced degrees who took an extended leave from work may look into On-Ramp programs (see "Off-Ramps and On-Ramps: Keeping Talented Women on the Road to Success", Harvard Business School Press, 2007). What is the cost benefit (including labor market demand) of further education to gain entry into a new career?
• Conduct research into growing industries. For example, the aging baby boomer population means that geriatric and retirement industry employment will continue to expand.
• Dip a toe in the ocean with temporary or "contract" employment. Experience different company cultures and industries, learn new skills, build a current employment history (with references!). Many temporary positions evolve into full-time employment for an employee who demonstrates a successful work history.
• Plan how your family will adjust and share responsibilities previously shouldered by you alone. This can be an empowering growth experience for the household. In spite of the fear and resistance to change, family members secretly feel proud of their contribution and new skills. Children take less for granted and are better prepared when they, too, will be on their own.
• Put a plan in place to stay motivated. This can be a discouraging, lonely process. Finding the right job IS a full-time job. The process can wear a person down (sometimes it feels as though it's wearing a person out!). One must be sure that her image (tone of voice, energy, body language, articulation) always conveys confidence and a winning attitude. We'll discuss staying motivated and focused in the future.

In future articles, we'll explore these and related issues. Above all, your client must remember that with great challenges come great rewards. With the right planning and support, this will prove to be one of her most liberating, empowering and exciting periods of growth.